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The ‘Ol Boner & Bye Bye

Today I wanna talk about a classic woman “move” that I like to call the ‘Ol Boner & Bye Bye.  If you’ve ever had sex before, the odds are this has happened to you.  The ‘Ol Boner & Bye Bye is where you’re hanging out with a girl, you start making out and you get a boner.  Then, before you have an orgasm of some type, the girl shuts you down and you go bye bye home alone, with just you and your raging hard penis.  As we all know, this is not a pleasurable experience and often results in masturbation.  In fact, I consider myself lucky if I can maintain my boner long enough to get home to the privacy of my room.

Obviously, the reality is that women can, do, and will continue to do the Boner & Bye Bye until the end of time, so it’s an essential dating skill to understand why this happens and how much you should put up with it happening before deciding to move on or take other action.

First we need to understand a woman’s motivation for this behavior, and as you might guess it’s quite simple.  Women believe that the likelihood of a man sticking around after having sex immediately is much lower than the likelihood that the man will stick around if the man develops an emotional connection before having sex.  Because of this belief, they use the Boner & Bye Bye to try and keep the man interested in them long enough to establish an emotional connection, that way when they do finally have sex, it has meaning and therefore a relationship has a higher chance of happening.

Does this shit actually work?  Who fucking knows.  I guess sometimes I suppose it does.

So what should we do as men to deal with this behavior and how many times should we allow her to Boner & Bye Bye us before we move on?

Let’s talk first about what to do during your escalation with the girl.  Obviously during an escalation towards sex, it’s the man’s job to be the aggressor and the woman’s job to slow the process of things down, so at some point in time the woman is going to put the brakes on things.  It might be during the make out, when you try to take her shirt off, or basically anytime between a kiss and when you actually start having sex.  Regardless of what happens, when the girl slows you down it’s best to stop what you were trying to do, take one step back, continue the thing you were doing before that she was okay with, then try again in a bit or try another avenue to achieve the sexual arousal necessary in the girl to go to the next step.  This is commonly known as “Rinse & Repeat.”  Sometimes it’s a beneficial move to stop the escalation altogether for 10-15 minutes and continue the movie you were watching before trying again.  This is known as the “freeze out.”

The overall goal of Rinse & Repeat is to get the girl sexually aroused enough that she can’t resist her horniness and decides to go ahead and have sex with you.  Obviously.  And sometimes this can take Rinsing & Repeating for a very long time period.  The more skill you have, the less time it takes.  I recommend using many forms of stimulation during this process, like mental, verbal, and physical forms.

Okay, so let’s say that you’re escalating, rinsing & repeating, and maybe you try a freeze out or two and you still get the Boner & Bye Bye and you’re on your way home… rock solid and hating your life.  THIS IS NOT A BIG DEAL!  It doesn’t mean that the girl doesn’t like you and doesn’t want to have sex with you.  In fact, it likely means the opposite, that the girl does want to have sex with you and likely is tossing around the idea of more than just a one night stand with you.  I’ve talked with many women who have told me that if they don’t believe that there’s ever going to be a connection, they’ll often just have sex with the guy because they’re not hoping for anything more than a one night stand or a short term sexual partner.  So if you get a Boner & Bye Bye, instead of thinking you suck with women, understand that it’s often par for the course on the way to a relationship.

Now, let’s say you get a Boner & Bye Bye and then the next time you hangout you get another Boner & Bye Bye and now it’s getting frustrating.  I can tell you that this has happened to me, and usually after the second time it starts getting annoying.  What, are we still in middle school?  Maybe we should just take up necking for the first 6 months of the relationship.

Oftentimes during the second Boner & Bye Bye, the girl will verbally tell you something along the lines of “I don’t think we should have sex yet, blah blah blah.”  When a girl tells me this, I usually tell her something along the lines of “Yeah, you’re right.  You know what?  I like girls more when they don’t have sex with me anyway.  In fact, just today I was talking with my buddy about girls and he was like what do you like in girls you date?  And I told him you know what I really like, like the most ever??? I love when a girl doesn’t have sex with me.  It’s like my favorite.  But I feel like i’ve been searching sooooo long for one and they’re tough to find.”  At this point I act like a light bulb just went off in my head and I say “Wait!  She’s right here in front of me!” as I look at the girl.  Then I give her a big hug, tackling her as I attack her with like 20 pecking type kisses on her mouth.

After that, I tell her “No seriously, I really don’t give a shit when we have sex, it’s no big deal.  I think obviously if we had sex tonight you’d probably feel pretty weird about it anyways, so no biggie.”  Then I continue doing what we were doing (like watching a movie or whatever) and I don’t try again.  At the end of the date, I say “Okay I think it’s time for me to go,” then I give her one last kiss (no make out!) and i’m on my way.  Usually this style of verbal acknowledgement and physical freeze out combined with me not texting her after the date until she texts me will be enough motivation for her to decide to have sex the next time we hangout together.

Sometimes when I get a second B & BB from a girl I like to go on the next date with her and not try at all to escalate her.  I call this a “Stale Date.”  The goal with a stale date is to throw her off and use her own tactic of sexual tension against her.  This will have her questioning if you’re about to give up on her.

***For the record, the longest i’ve ever gone without having sex with a girl is hanging out with her eleven times before we had sex.  Truthfully though, I was cutting off our hangouts on purpose before we were alone to see how long it would take before she threw herself at me.  I was curious both if she would, and how long it would take for her to do it.  In the end, she took me in her room, shut the door, pushed me onto her bed, and started taking her clothes off as she climbed on top of me.***

“But Jake!  What if I get a third Boner & Bye Bye from the girl?”  Ouch.  If you get a third instance of a Boner & Bye Bye from a girl, something is wrong.  Either the girl is super prude, sexually damaged, sexually unhealthy, or your escalation technique needs some serious improvement.  Either way, it’s time to start creating some distance between you and her to give her the idea that things will end if it doesn’t go down the sexual road eventually.  If you’re getting a third B & BB, it’s also probably time to give me a call to discuss what’s going on and how to handle the situation you’re in so that you don’t end up repeating it or moving on without understanding what’s going on.  This could be a huge hole in your game that causes you issues for a long time in the future.

Well I hope all this info helps you out.  Remember, dealing with one or two Boner & Bye Bye’s from a girl shouldn’t cause you much strife at all.  The techniques of Rinse & Repeat, Freezing out, and Multiple forms of stimulation are often enough to get the girl horny enough to seal the deal, and if not, then usually my verbal technique above or a stale date should be enough to let her know that sex needs to happen soon or you’ll be on your way.

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