Have you ever started to date a woman and you start dating, maybe you have sex once or twice, then somehow you just can’t manage to setup another date or get her to text you much because she’s just so seemingly busy? Well today I wanna talk about why that happens and how you can use that same girl move to your advantage. I like to call it “The Fizzle Out.”
The Fizzle Out is an art form for women. They’ve mastered it, so we as men should master it too, because the reality of dating is that it’s not so uncommon to start dating someone and then decide that the girl isn’t quite the right “fit” for whatever reason. Maybe the sex wasn’t that great, maybe you’ve got someone else who’s a better option for you, maybe you’re having strong doubts, or maybe you’ve just plain decided you don’t like the girl. Whatever the reason, it’s really nice to have a way out of the situation that gently lets the other person down and causes the minimal amount of pain during the process. This is why women have pioneered the Fizzle Out and use it liberally to this day.
So first up, how is the Fizzle Out performed? Well, there are three steps to the Fizzle Out:
1. Stop initiating texting with her and stop answering her calls.
2. When she does contact you, remain cool with her and let her know you’d love to hang out but you’ve got a very busy week and can’t meet up till maybe next week sometime. If she presses you, tell her you don’t quite know yet and that “you’ll let her know.”
3. Don’t let her know and don’t text her back.
Pretty simple, right?
Let’s talk it out a bit. In step 1, you simply stop contacting her in any way. This will be the first sign for her something’s up. Usually it’ll take the girl a couple or a few days to realize you’re not texting before she’ll call you or initiate texting with you because she’ll realize that you haven’t talked for a few days and she’ll have a need to relieve the tension that exists because of it. If she calls, don’t answer. Instead, text her like 30 minutes to an hour after and say “Hey can’t talk right now, what’s up?” Sounds all business-y and busy, right?
Step 2 is to one part be nice and one part create distance and separation between the two of you. The reality is that when people don’t talk for a week or more, they start to lose connection. This is why long distance relationships are a total bitch and never workout, and why this technique works like a charm. Again, if she starts pressing you to nail down a date or time to hangout, tell her you really don’t know right now and that you’ll let her know. The reality of dating is that when someone wants to hangout with you badly enough, they will ALWAYS make it a priority to spend time with you, and women know this. So when you create some distance after not texting, she’ll start to get the idea very quickly that something’s up.
A week ago I did Step 2 with a girl turning down her invite to go to a party, and she texted me right away “Ok. Sorry do u have a gf now. Don’t wanna be rude.” (taken straight off my phone). Keeping in line with step 2, I texted her back “No gf yet. And you’re not being rude don’t worry.” She replied “Yay!! Okay I was hoping not. Well hit me up whenever you become free again.”
Step 2 complete. I’m nice and I create distance.
Step 3 seals the deal. When the next week comes and you don’t call or text her, she’s going to know that she’s a nogo for you. Less perceptive women and women who really are super into you will still keep trying, but the majority of them will get the picture and not text again. If they do, simply don’t text back.
And there you have it. The Fizzle Out.
Now, since I know you guys have been fizzled out on yourselves (and god knows I have too!), you’re probably thinking in your head “But Jake, when i’m getting fizzled out on what do I do!?! Well never fear, i’ve got a plan for that too.
The reality of getting fizzled out on by a girl is that if you don’t catch it, you likely don’t stand much of a chance of reeling the girl back in later. And make no mistake!!! If you’re getting fizzled out on, there is simply no immediate way to keep the girl because she has already decided to let you go. So knowing all of this information, what’s your best chance of still getting the girl?
Luckily, I have a couple great examples for this situation as well. The first one happened to me just recently. I met an awesome chick, we hit it off, spend the whole day together a couple of times, and slept together one time. After that, we spent the day together again once, then her birthday happened. She talked about her birthday party and then kind of hesitantly invited me, letting me know that she couldn’t do any PDA with me because some of her business associates would be there. This was cool with me, and I can certainly understand her reasoning, so no red flags came up in my head.
I go to her birthday, and luckily I had a girl with me who i’ve known as friends for over 10 years, so I didn’t feel alone while I was there. The new girl I was dating saw me, said hi when I got there and everything was cool, although I did notice her “boss” getting kind of touchy with her. He had his arm around her in the way a boss normally wouldn’t, and at the time I didn’t much care. After all, I have supreme confidence in myself and my ability to wrangle any girl away from any guy. I still right now don’t know if this was a sign that he just liked her, was fucking her, or was just horny and drunk. I may never know, and no matter what the case I certainly don’t care. His presence (or any other guy’s for that matter) doesn’t affect the way i’ll choose to act in the situation. All I care about is the signals I get from her and how they’ll add up to tell me a story about where she’s at with me. This story is what I base my actions on.
So at the end of this girl’s birthday thing on that Friday night, I talked with her about hanging out Saturday and she stated that she was going out of town with friends for a birthday getaway the next day and that we should hangout on the following Wednesday because she had the day off. Cool. I let her have her weekend to herself and her friends, and then after not texting at all I decide to ping her on Wednesday to find out if we’re still on for that night. I text her “How was your trip??? Did you make it back alive?” and she responds “I did! I’ve been working all day! I am starting a new gig tonight.”
Can you see how she’s Step 2-ing me right there? This girl knows FOR SURE that we were supposed to hangout that night, so why would she plan a new gig for that night knowing that she hasn’t seen me in almost a week and that we were supposed to hangout? In addition to this information, reread her text again: “I did! I’ve been working all day! I am starting a new gig tonight.” If this girl was into hanging out with me and really wanted to see me, she would have said something more along the lines of “Omg i’m so sorry but I can’t hangout tonight because i’m starting a new gig. Can we reschedule for X day and time???” Can you see the difference? Girls who want to see you will always make an effort to do so.
So what should I do now? I know i’ve got a girl who is nice and is creating distance. This tells me that for whatever reason this girl isn’t interested right now in moving things forward with me. Again, she could have another new guy, another more solid relationship she wants to figure out, or she could just be busy with whatever. The point is i’ll never know and I really don’t care, because my reality is that her and I won’t be moving forward right now and THAT’S OKAY! This doesn’t mean she doesn’t like me, it just means that the timing is off for her right now.
With all of this in mind, my best option right now is not to push things and to instead simply release her back into her life by communicating further separation to her. I do this with a series of three actions:
1. I send her a short and disconnected text
2. I stop any and all communication. I do not text, call, email, Facebook message, pen-pal, none of that shit.
3. I wait, and move on to dating other women.
So the way this looks is that she sends me the text saying she’s starting a new gig tonight, and I simply wait about a half hour and text her “Kk”
Then it’s over. Simple. Neat. Clean. And guess what? She’s now got the option of texting me back whenever her situation has changed. Furthermore, when I take these actions, she’ll know i’m creating more distance in a non-bitter or angry way, and when I don’t text, she will definitely feel loss. Will it be enough to get her back right away? No, but I certainly can’t text anything else or she’ll definitely be gone forever.
Case in point, the girl from my post about “Getting her back.” If you haven’t read that yet, here’s the story. About 8 months ago I realized I was getting fizzled out on by a girl I had dated for over a year. Ouch. Not gonna lie, I was hurting over it. Still! I stuck to my plan, and when I felt the disconnectedness from her and the walls she was putting up on our last time hanging out, I knew that she needed to move on for whatever reason, so I decided to simply stop all communication and let her move on. She didn’t text me back and I moved on as well. It hurt, but I stuck to my guns and didn’t text her because I had 100% confidence that it was the correct move at the time.
During the time we were not communicating I heard from a mutual friend that she was dating another guy and blah blah. Didn’t make me feel very good, but hey I had moved on and maybe it wasn’t meant to be.
Fast forward to just recently, and guess who I see at the bar when i’m teaching? Yup, her. We chat and I act like we were never apart. We catch up briefly and at the end I say “Nice seeing you” and we hug and she’s off.
Guess who texts me like 15 minutes after she leaves? Yup. I text her the next day that it was cool seeing her too and how did her night turnout. She texts back, we start going back and forth, and after like 15 texts back and forth I tell her “Well hey i’m headed off to work here, so let’s grab a drink this week and catch up more. When you free?” She says “Sure, sounds good. Wednesday?” We go catch up, kiss briefly at the end of the night, hangout again shortly after, seal the deal, and now it’s back on.
This is proof that this method works! And i’ve proven this method over and over again literally hundreds of times between my and my student’s cumulative experiences. Trust this method. It’s 100% the absolute best method on the planet. Proven. Tested. True.
So I guess that’s it for today. The Fizzle Out! Hopefully this has shed some light on things for you guys and you’ll better be able to both recognize a Fizzle Out when you’re getting one and be able to Fizzle Out on a girl the proper way when you need to. Using the courage of your convictions and with any amount of luck, you too can master the Fizzle Out like I have. I wish you the best.