Ahhhh, the age old question. How do I get my old girlfriend back? How do I get my old fling back? How do I get an old acquaintance back who I never got to sleep with?
The answer to these questions is FAR simpler than you think, and as you might guess once you’ve learned it, a very high percentage of women will come back into your life whether or not you were the one who did the dumping. In fact, I currently experience about a 90% or higher rate of women coming or trying to come back into my life once we’ve had distance or time between us for whatever reason, and using the below techniques i’ve also been able to smooth out my texting game and the process of going from first date to girlfriend.
If you’d like to keep women coming back to you, even when they were the ones that called it quits in the first place, the first thing you have to do is to understand her situation. Women have options, and lots of them. They have the abundance of choice that we all crave, and if you’re a guy who has abundance himself or if you’ve had even a taste of it, then you can probably empathize with women pretty well about wanting more than one guy. After all, what would you do if you had the option of fucking 20 different women on any given night? Yes that’s right, you would be a total whore.
Given the fact that women could very easily (and often do) just have sex with whomever they want, I have to admit i’ve got some respect for the group as a whole for coming together somewhat on the idea that having just one man is the best way to go. I, for the record, don’t think this is a terrible idea when kids are the goal for a couple, even though lack of sex and plenty of sexual frustration seem to be the norms when couples unite for long periods of time.
So back to understanding the woman’s situation. She’s got all of these options and she’s dated you for a hot minute, so now she knows your faults, your good points, and she’s likely dulling on you just enough to start considering some other options, even if you’re me and you feel like you’re a confident guy with a lot to offer. The situation the women is in added with a bunch of other options the woman has often leaves many guys getting dumped and wondering just what the hell happened, or if you’re in my shoes and you’ve got some abundance then you just might be the one leaving some women in the dust too. That’s right, you’re dumped.
The path to redemption begins by again first understanding the situation your woman is in. She’s got options and wants the best one, so often when women leave it’s not because you suck, it’s because she wants to explore those options to make sure she’s making the right choice (at least in her mind this is the way it works). In other words, she might not think you’re a bad option, and she can’t quite know if you’re the best yet. So she goes and dates another man… or three, leaving you devastated thinking that it’s all over for good.
The reality here is that when you leave the woman with grace, she’ll VERY often date a guy or a few guys, realize they sucked and that she doesn’t want to be in the dating pool anymore, and she’ll come back. One day anytime from two months to many years later, you’ll get a text or a facebook message talking about “catching up” or “hey how have you been” and then it’s back on and you can see her again. It really is that simple.
So how do you make it happen?
You allow a woman the space and freedom to come and go from you as she pleases. You don’t pressure her to stay, you don’t pressure her to go, and you don’t get angry or bitter that she’s leaving you. When she comes back, you don’t ask her about the details about who she dated or why she left, you simply let her come back into your life gracefully and you re-assess her and you as a couple again with new eyes. After all, she’s likely in a different place now, and you should be able to empathize with her situation and why she did what she did.
You should have confidence that you’re the best choice for her. AND! Once you’ve been through the process of getting a girl back a few times, you’ll start to gain confidence in the process of getting her back because you’re starting to realize how likely it is that she’ll return. You’ll learn that she almost always does when you’re a balanced, awesome guy. In my mind, they always come back.
So here’s how it works:
When you start to feel that a woman is distancing herself from you or starting to put up so-called “Walls,” you recognize what’s happening and do your best to act totally calm and like it’s no big deal to you. She’s not texting you as much? Instead of saying “Hey what the hell, you don’t text me anymore???” now you just relax and mirror her texting frequency. Maybe if she doesn’t text you you just wait a week or more until she texts you at her own pace because obviously she needs some space, right? So give it to her! And don’t do it from a bitter place. Don’t say to yourself “Well fuck this chick i’m not texting her… the bitch!” Instead tell yourself “You know what, she’s busy and she’s probably got a lot on her mind, so i’ll let her do her thing for a few days and iron her thoughts out. In the meantime I get to go out with my buddies and watch the game for a change. Beer time!” (or whatever you like to do. For me, it’s beer :).
About 6 months ago I ended a serious relationship and towards the end I could feel the distance happening and the walls going up. She wasn’t responding to my texts “on time” or sometimes until a day or two later, and it seemed like pulling teeth to get her to spend time with me. I could feel myself growing needier of her time and attention as she pulled it away. When we finally did hangout after feeling like I was begging her, it felt super disconnected and there didn’t seem to be anything I could do to change it. I decided after hanging out that day that I would simply stop texting her and I would give her the time to do her thing. After that there was no communication between us and I knew it was over without having a formal “talk” or “breakup.”
I heard a couple months later through the grapevine that she was dating another guy (as I fully expected) and though that hurt me, I knew it was part of the process. I myself started to date again and soon enough I was over it and doing my own thing. I wasn’t bitter or angry at her, I just knew for whatever reason she needed to be away from me for awhile.
Six months or more passed and wouldn’t you know it, we ran into each other at a bar. We chatted a bit, and when we did I expressed ZERO bitterness, anger or resentment. I didn’t ask her what happened because I already know, and I don’t care. I simply act as if nothing happened. I’m happy and myself and chatty and hold no grudges, because I know her leaving was part of her process, and it’s likely not related to me as much as it’s related to the mental and life path she’s on. I’m cool with that.
Fast forward a couple weeks, and we’ve now been on a date… ahem… we “caught up” lol, and now we’re texting back and forth and starting things up again. Last night she texted me out of nowhere and we texted back and forth more than we ever have before and it felt great. From here we’ll hangout more until we’re comfortable and attracted enough to start having sex again (if it goes that direction) and then we’re off to having a possible relationship again.