A special thanks today to the guys who responded to my last blog post and took me up on the phone coaching! Wow, what a weekend! I had such a crazy weekend I can’t even write about parts of it.
After talking with so many guys for so long, i’ve been able to isolate and combat many of the behavioral patterns I see in women. One thing i’ve noticed in my years as a dating coach is that women don’t know how to make themselves happy. Yep, I said it. Women don’t have a clue how to make themselves happy. Are you tuned in? Because today I wanna talk about how to “break” women of their pattern of self-destruction using some dominance techniques. And i’m going to show you the actual breaking process of a woman via text. This is the first time anyone has shown this online (because i’m the one who came up with the theory), and this is probably the single most important lesson a guy can learn, and one that so few do… In other words, today is special fucking treat day for you. Pay attention, class is in session.
The first thing to understand is that this unhappiness loop isn’t the fault of women. Julie, your neighbor down the street who is yelling at her husband constantly and hasn’t fucked him for months, has no clue that she’s doing this. The problem is that Bob, her husband, has already lost his happiness because of it and he’s on the way to losing his marriage and half his shit. And since Bob’s shit is probably the only stuff that keeps him happy at all these days, this isn’t looking good for Bob.
You see, there’s a biological mechanism at work in Julie. Julie doesn’t know it, but she wants to bear the children of the most dominant man she can find. If she’s already with him, then she’ll be happy for a long time. They’ll have regular sex, and Bob will still get blow jobs. However, if Julie senses a crack in Bob’s “armor” (his dominance), Julie will pick and prod and exploit Bob’s weakness in any way she can. She will use any dominance ploy she can for years and years until Bob cracks and becomes submissive. When Julie becomes dominant to Bob, she will no longer be attracted to Bob. First she’ll stop having sex with Bob, then Bob will start trying to get sex through submissive means, further pushing Julie away. Julie will start looking elsewhere for attention and soon enough, divorce. Bobs marriage is over, his shit’s gone, and Julie stay’s in the house that Bob built with her new boyfriend Hank, who regularly now gets the sex and blow jobs that Bob only now remembers. Some “Bobs” never recover from this.
Neither Bob nor Julie knew that any of this was happening. Bob could’ve prevented it.
What Bob needed to do was to “Break” Julie.
Although I fully recognize how fucked up this sounds, “breaking” a woman is kind of like breaking a wild horse. Now I haven’t ever broken a fucking horse, but sometimes I watch TV and shit, and breaking a horse looks like it’s really a bitch of a job. The thing bucks and screams and kicks until it realizes that it can’t get the better of the situation, then it calms the fuck down and leads a happy life. But as long as it thinks it’s got a chance, the fucker fights and fights and won’t give up for anything! It wants to remain wild because it can’t possibly see that it will be happier when the breaking process is over.
So how does this apply to Bob and Julie? Well, at the beginning of his relationship with Julie, Bob needs to have the ability to recognize Julie’s ploys for dominance. When Bob recognizes one of Julie’s ploys for dominance, he needs to “handle” it immediately. Since Julie has a limited number of ways to gain and establish dominance over Bob, once Bob has correctly handled all of Julie’s dominance ploys, then Julie has been “broken” as I like to call it. From that point on, she will still try one of her dominance ploys from time to time, but it will only to remind herself of Bob’s dominance and to maintain Julie’s attraction to Bob. I call this form of maintaining dominance “maintenance dominance.” At times this will likely frustrate Julie, but she’ll be very happy in the long run that she’s with such a dominant man as Bob.
Nice work Bob!
So I know what you’re wondering. How the fuck can I learn what these ploys are from women? Well these are the secrets to the planet my friend, and god bless me i’ve got ’em. Let me share one such secret with you right now.
One of my students is in a situation where he’s been dating a girl and he has not established dominance with her. In other words, she hasn’t been broken yet. Sure, he’s dominant in some ways and he has been dominant enough to attract and sleep with her, but since he hasn’t broken her, she’s still in the habit of going to parties, hanging with other guys, etc. Recently she has stopped feeling like she wants to have sex with him. Ouch. What to do?
My first instruction to him was to stop contacting her so much. When you take away previously established compliance, a girl immediately recognizes that there’s a problem and will take action to re-establish that level of compliance. When she does, we deny it, and the breaking process begins. Make no mistake, this is an emotional battle that’s fought dirty. She will challenge you and incite your fears.
In this case, the plan is to simply not contact the girl, then when she contacts him, he’s going to be busy on the day or days she wants to see him. In other words, this girl is in the habit of seeing him when she wants and when it’s convenient for her. When it’s not, she goes to a concert or to a party, leaving him at home. Not cool, and it shows that she’s taking him for granted and not valuing her time with him. This is a sure sign that he’s on his way out of her life if something doesn’t change.
So we join into the texts now when she has realized that he hasn’t texted her for a few days and now she realizes this and is texting him to check in and make sure she’s still got him by the balls. For anonymity i’m gonna call him Bob.
Her: Hey Bob I love you & miss you
Her (20 min later): Call me as soon as you can
Him (well, this is me doing the texting): Aww you’re sweet. I’m a bit busy though. What’s up?
-in other words, Bob’s not complying with your “I love you” crap. Last time you met Bob had to beg you for sex unsuccessfully, remember?
Her: Are you free tonight?
-Well that worked quick. Or did it? If you thought that worked and you can go on with your relationship, you’re damn wrong. This is a ploy for compliance! Give it, and you’ll stay in the pattern you’re in. We have to break her and establish dominance! Read on, you’re about to witness some crazy shit you haven’t seen before.
Okay the rest of this shit is me texting the girl, but we’ll just call it Bob. She thinks it’s fucking Bob.
Bob: No i’m pretty booked
Her: Bob can you call me? Don’t you miss me?
Her: Why haven’t we spoke all week? Is everything ok?
Her: I need to see your handsome face 🙂
-Again, i’m sure this looks cool to you, but remember, when if she gets this compliance she’ll go back into her pattern. She gets what she wants when she wants it, then Bob suffers.
Bob: I’m busy babe, won’t be free until Sunday afternoon / Monday night. We can make plans though. That would be cool 😉
-Lemme tell you what this text really means. It’s Friday at about 5pm. I’m telling this chick the entire weekend she can’t see me, and i’m doing it in a way that’s very “no big deal.” I’m not bitter or angry or aggressive, i’m simply telling her calmly that i’m busy but I can hang Sunday or Monday. The real communication here is “I might be seeing other women tonight and tomorrow.” This should cause paralyzing fear in the woman. She will be forced to investigate and get to the source at all cost, and i’m not going to allow her to know for any reason. In this manner, she’ll be forced to think about me all weekend no matter what she’s doing. This absence / jealousy ploy is fantastic ammo to both re-establish attraction and for her to start valuing her time with him again.
Her: Bob, I don’t know if you can tell but your vagueness, ignoring me, and avoiding me are making me feel very bad.
Her: I want to be with you and if you want the same it can’t be like this. I just want to be happy and make someone happy.
Her (this is the third text in a row): What are you doing tonight and tomorrow night? I’d love to join you. We’re happiest when we do things together we enjoy.
-I know this seems all nice, but again, if you comply with this and just tell the chick, you lose. This is an emotional ploy used for compliance. If she gets compliance here, she feels temporarily warm and fuzzy, then starts treating you like shit again because she doesn’t value your time. Again, i’m not doing this because i’m a dick, i’m doing this because she has taken away sex in this case and it’s a huge sign that the relationship is headed downhill.
Bob(this one is the student texting): Alright well it would make me happy if we could make plans for Sunday night or Monday night, not have it be a big deal if we don’t talk for a few days, and have a little trust from you. I trust you. Maybe have homework and stuff out of the way so we can rock out. How else am I suppose to come up with all the amazing ways to rock your world if I don’t have some time and peace to myself. I know you want me soo badly right now. And it’d be great to do some stuff together, just not tonight or tomorrow.
-My take on this? Way too long, but not too shabby.
Her: I do trust you but I’d like to know and feel included in your life.
Her: I have no plans and I’d really appreciate hanging out with you
Her: I work Sunday night and have school most of Monday
Her: And why is it so difficult for you to call me exactly?
-So the student and I are discussing this for a sec and don’t text yet. Basically she’s firing a few tests here. First is another emotional ploy. “You’re not making me feel included. I want to see you. I can’t see you Sunday or Monday anyways.” Then the zinger where she takes a very dominant stance towards him, almost threatening him and reprimanding him for not calling her. She’s starting to show her teeth! The fight is on the way.
Her (20 min later): don’t think I’m upset at you or anything
-She reread her last text and got worried that is was too harsh. Can you see her emotional progression here? She uses an emotional ploy first and tries to trade love and affection (fake love and affection!!!) to get her needs met. When that doesn’t work she gets dominant immediately, then when time passes she wonders what’s up, rereads her text, then questions it and tries to backpedal in case she’s gone too far. Can you see how wild this whole thing is? She has no fucking clue what she’s doing, she’s just flying by the seat of her emotional pants. I’m going to give her a nice calm dose of unaffectedness and give her the same dose of unavailability and jealousy that has been working for me so far. *Poke!* LOL
Bob: Oh that hadn’t crossed my mind
Bob: It’s Friday and I already made plans, that’s it. Not a big deal.
-I am a ninja. This is my ninja chop.
Her: I want to be included Bob. You’re still ignoring me all the words I speak to you feel cast aside. So i’m grown upset every time I think of you and your lack of understanding and care for me.
Her: Bob I want to join you tonight more than anything.
Her: If not then things will never feel the same again. All I want is to be with you.
-Now she wants to come along, lol. Oh yeah sure! Now that you said that, come along! Everything’s just fine now! … Not.
Bob: So lemme get this straight… I tell you i’m busy and now i’m not including you, i’m ignoring you, you’re upset, I don’t understand you, and I don’t care about you… Why are you trying to be with me again?
Bob: I have plans, that’s it. No need for a big crazy freakout.
-My technique for dominance here is to label her emotional ploy to show her how crazy her emotional logic is. Then I frame that emotional logic as a crazy freakout. It’s good to mention at this point that girls often talk with other girls about stuff like this, even as it’s happening. This girl is obviously alone right now because if she showed this to another girl this wouldn’t have happened. Not knowing her at all i’d guess she’s under 25 as well, although if unchecked, this will happen with women at any age. I guess this one young because it’s extremely emotionally all over the place and older women tend to “check” this type of behavior more than this. You’re looking at an unbridled version.
Her: I think you might care somewhere and if you do then you should know how I feel and that’s how I feel man
Her: I have to see you tonight I need you Bob
Her: I need you
Her: Please be there for me tonight
*Here she sends a pic of her looking cute*
Her: I got my hair did
Her: I was going to surprise you
-On to the next ploy, sending a cute pic. This one is trickier. Again, remember here that we (the student and I) aren’t trying to be mad or anything at this girl. We simply are balanced and neutral. We have plans and can’t see her, that’s it. We do not for any reason communicate that this is punishment or revenge or anything. We’re simply busy, and she doesn’t need to know everything that we do all the time. This type of wondering what the other person is up to is healthy for a relationship. Policing another person’s life and having to know what they’re doing all the time is not.
Also, a woman sending me pics of her is a behavior I want to support! This means I want to show her positive reinforcement for this type of behavior so that it continues. Yes, I also like her to say she loves me and wants to be with me like she has been, but remember that’s a fake emotional ploy she’s using to get her temporary need for attention met. This is much different than true love and caring. You must be able to distinguish between the two based on her past actions.
Bob: Oh wow it looks great!
Her: Thank you
Her: So can I see you tonight I need you.
-BAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHH! Holy shit this is funny to me. Let’s give her more of the same. Again, if we relent, then we continue this pattern. We absolutely must not!
Bob: Well i’m busy tonight and it sounds like you’re busy Sunday and Monday, so do you wanna shoot for Wednesday?
Her: Bob can I please join you tonight??
Her: I need to see you baby
Her: I’ll get an Uber to you right now
Her: Yes? I’m assuming you’re at work right now?
Her: Where should I meet you
Bob: Did you miss the part where I said I had plans tonight?!? It’s not happening tonight babe.
-Note my use of “babe” here and how it demonstrates a calm and unaffected demeanor. I’m not mad at all at her.
Her: I’m joining you
Her: I need to see you
Her: What are your plans anyways?
Her: Tell me now you’re going to tell me when you see me anyways
Her: Bob please call me AT LEAST
Her: That is literally the LEAST amount of effort you can give me and you’re not doing that
Her: You’re driving me insane.
Her: I love you and want to make things work between us more than anything
Her: And the way you’re casting me aside I know I don’t deserve it so I know I shouldn’t ever see you again but that’s all I want and need right now
Her: Bob please drop your plans for me I need you now or let me join
Her: Bob please
Her: I need you
Her: Please baby
-So this is what happens before they break. Time to establish a boundary for future use.
Bob: Again, I have plans and it’s not necessary to freakout like this. There are times when you have plans and times when I have them. You don’t always have to know what I’m doing and where I’m going, and I don’t want a relationship where I have to answer to somebody every second of every day. I’m not going to drop my plans today just because you’re having an emotionally needy day. Again I’m not angry at you! I just already planned shit for tonight!
Bob: This shouldn’t be a big deal
Her: You don’t have to answer to me every second we haven’t talked ALL week
Her: So you’re not even close to being in a relationship like that
Her: I need someone who recognizes that I JUST WANT THEM TO CALL ME
Her: NOT TOO HARD
Bob: We can talk tomorrow on the phone if you want
Her: NO NOW THAT WOULD CALM ME SO MUCH
Her: sorry for all caps lol
-It’s debatable, but I think she’s mad and then caught herself and said sorry because she’s realizing that she could be crossing the line.
Her: If you can’t recognize that all I want is you to call me for a minute to say what’s up then I can’t be with someone so stupid
Her: Sorry for name calling too
–Okay now we know for sure that she’s lashing out then catching herself. She is all over the place emotionally and what she needs is a man who is an emotional leader. Solid. Ever heard a girl say “He’s my rock” about a guy she’s in love with? This means she’s emotionally crazy and he keeps her in-check.
Her (5th text in a row): I just need to hear your voice babe what can possibly be stopping you from being able to call me for a minute
-This is her trying to get any form of compliance possible. If the student talked on the phone here it would be a shit-storm of emotional craziness, so I don’t think it’s a good idea for any reason. Very few guys can handle this, and because he is in the situation he is in, I know for a fact he cannot handle it.
Bob: This isn’t the way to get me to call you. Again, you’re making a huge deal out of absolutely nothing. I think it’s time to be done texting for tonight. When you act like this it makes me want to run the opposite direction from you at top speed.
Bob: We’ll talk tomorrow
-Okay, so we’ve dealt with emotional ploys, anger ploys, craziness, swings, begging, and a partridge and a pear tree. The best remedy for this girl is to have a big spoonful of non-compliance. She needs to experience wanting the student again and feeling a bit jealous and wondering what the hell he’s doing out at night without her. Only then can she become re-attracted and start to respect and value her time with him again.
Her: Same to the way you’re acting now
-Geez. This could last forever if he keeps going. However, the job is done. I instructed him to dead-air the girl no matter what for the rest of the night. The last thing he wants to do is text her past 10pm because that would demonstrate that maybe he doesn’t have plans. If this kept going till midnight or 1am she could be satisfied that she was on his mind all night and the job wouldn’t be done with her.
***THE NEXT MORNING, 8:57am***
Her: Sorry for overreacting. I started my period today and remembered that I usually get super emotional before that. I with I remembered last night so I could’ve controlled it.
-This is another great example of common woman expectation. “I get to be crazy, then oh by the way when i’m obviously crazy it’s okay and we should just brush it under the rug because I started my period. I’m actually a healthy, well balanced woman.”
Sure you are, honey.
Now the student texts on his own. Note the change in her demeanor.
Bob: Word well, I’m about to get going for the day. Are you at work? I’ll probably call you in a little bit.
Her (1:43pm): I am i’ll be here most of the day I would like to hear from you 🙂
Her (2:19pm): I have a break until 3
Her (2:44pm, after talking with him on the phone): It was nice to hear your voice
Calm as a Hindu cow, my friends! And appreciative! And she’s not demanding or dominant at all! These are the hallmarks of a woman who has been “broken.” Take a minute and re-read her last three texts. Can you see how different these are than the original “I love you” bullshit ploys??? She now understands that her emotional ploys don’t garner her more attention, and as a result she is far less likely to try using those unhealthy techniques to get her way in the future. Instead, she’s happy and grateful to receive his attention when she can, and she values his time peacefully. Ahhhhhhhhh… how nice.
Now is this woman broken entirely? Honestly, no. She did send an additional text after the student said that they were done texting for the night, but when she got dead-aired, she likely finally realized that her fate for the night was to be alone.
She thought that night. She thought a lot. And the real “work” that was done was done by the silence and thought she experienced after the texting was finished. This work was enough to dispel this one single issue, but until many issues like this have been handled, true dominance has not been established and the women hasn’t been completely broken. And again, broken isn’t a bad thing, it’s just the point where she realizes that she’s not in control of the man and she can’t use childish or even more sophisticated ploys to get what she wants from the man. He’s breaking her out of being a child and into communicating and meeting her needs in a healthy way, one where she respects the man who she is with and values her time with him.
A true man leads a woman through these types of struggles with a patient hand. He gently (and sometimes not so gently) guides her through the shedding of these behaviors that hold both of them back from true healthy and happy communication in their relationship. YOU should be this type of man, and I can help you learn to be.
So now the update! The student texted me after all of this and reported that the phone call they had was surprisingly short and with less drama. She still asked to hangout but he stuck to his guns and said that wasn’t happening, then they got off the phone. He said even her disapproval of him not telling her what he was doing was less of a deal. “She’s slowly giving in” he says.
The “slowly giving in” thing is super interesting to me. Note that this is a relationship where he has not established dominance by “breaking” the woman early in the relationship, and as a result the struggle continues. Yes, he has done it properly once via text, but unless he learns from his mistakes and demonstrates the same resolve when they are face-to-face, the struggle will continue indefinitely. The only solution is to learn to recognize her ploys and react to them correctly. Obviously, this is a much more difficult task to complete then for a man who has learned these ploys in previous relationships and can establish his dominance at the beginning of the relationship. And again, anger should not be part of his arsenal of tools. A true man is calm, assertive and un-reactive in times of turmoil.
That’s it for today, gentlemen. Thanks for reading.