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Getting Caught and What Happens

I wanted to talk about a situation that happened to me recently where I was out with a girlfriend, and a new rotation girl saw us at the bar.  I originally didn’t want to risk taking a girl to a bar where I knew there was a possibility that another girl I was sleeping with would be there, but in this case I took the risk and lost.  Here’s what happened:

We walk in and I see a friend who’s with a girl I haven’t met.  I say hey to him and introduce my girlfriend to her.  Later on we’re leaving the bar and when I run back in to pay my tab, I see the new rotation girl sitting at a table with my friend and his girl, apparently they’re friends.  Uh oh.  

What would you do?  

At this point we have noticed each other and made eye contact, so there’s no walking out acting like I didn’t see her.  I decide to just walk up and say “Hey!  I didn’t notice you here, what’s up?”  We talk briefly, and the whole time she has a paralyzed look on her face.  I ask her “So you wanna get together this week?  I’ve gotta head home now but i’ll text you.”  She says yeah sure and I head out.  

So what happens now?  

Well what happens now often depends on the girl’s age.  If she’s young (this one’s 21), then usually you’re in good shape.  I’ll simply continue hanging out and if the girl brings up anything i’ll tell her the girl’s a friend of mine.  We’ll continue hanging out and she’ll explain the situation to herself however she sees fit.  

If she gets serious about the conversation and starts asking direct questions, i’ll tell her something along the lines of “Are you asking questions you really wanna know the answers to? If you are, then i’d be happy to honestly discuss anything that you’d like to discuss, but I have two requirements.  Those requirements are that you are willing to discuss things in an adult way, and that you’re ready to handle whatever answers you might get.  So give it some thought tonight and we can talk tomorrow about whatever you’d like to talk about.”  

When you say a statement like this to a girl, it lets her know that you’re going to be open and honest with her as long as she’s adult enough to handle what she might hear.  It usually causes them to think a bit before they overreact.  The reality of the situation is that we’re not a couple, and i’m allowed to date freely because we’re not in a committed relationship.  Simple.  

If you’re dealing with an older woman in this situation, she’s likely going to have more of an issue when something like this happens.  This is because older women often need more clarity and labeling of the relationship they have or might be about to have.  In situations where an older woman (27 years old +) sees you hanging out with another woman, she’s likely going to flip out and you might very well lose her over it.  

The moral of this whole story is that there’s really no need to freak out.  In stressful situations, do your best to remain calm and act normal, and try to keep things brief and exit with grace, then pick up your normal patterns of texting and talking and hanging out just as you have been before.  Often things will be far less traumatic then you thought they would be.  And if you happen to have the catastrophe of your lifetime and lose both girls, well then take your lumps, learn from your mistakes, and go out and get yourself another girl.  

You can do it.

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