Anytime you’re involved in a relationship, sooner or later the woman you date is gonna throw a temper tantrum to try and get her way. Usually this means she’ll leave wherever you’re at in hopes that you’re going to follow her. She might have the taxi pull over on the side of the road and let her out, she might leave the bar you’re in, or she might just leave your place or kick you out of hers. One way or another, there will be a tantrum designed to get her what she wants, and one way or another you’ll have to deal with it. So what should you do and how should you handle a situation like this when it happens?
To understand this situation more thoroughly, let’s first examine what the woman thinks the probable outcome is and what might happen if we engage in what she hopes will happen. It should be obvious to you that when a woman throws a tantrum and leaves, it’s usually to get something out of the man. She expects that her tantrum will yield her good results. If she leaves, she expects the guy to chase after her, begging and pleading to make things right with her. If the man decides to chase the woman, he’ll have to fight an uphill battle to appease her. There’ll be a lot of apologizing on his behalf, and then she’ll likely withhold sex for awhile too. Not fun.
The short term end result of this for the woman is that she feels like she has gotten the attention she wanted, she feels like she has won, she feels like her argument or need was valid, and she feels like she has gained or maintained her control of the relationship and of the man. She incorrectly and shortsightedly thinks this is the best result that can come from her having a tantrum.
The problem with the woman thinking that this is the best result that can come from the scenario is that the woman is acting only based upon her emotions in that moment. She has no wherewithall about what really happens when this series of events is engaged in on a repeated basis. Those long-term results are that she loses respect and attraction for the man in her life. This has devastating consequences like divorce or breakup, and pretty much everything else that can happen as a result. It gets really messy when children are involved, and nobody wins when that happens.
It seems insane that women are unable to understand how this mechanism works, but it’s really just because they’re emotional creatures. They want their emotional needs taken care of, and they want them taken care of right now regardless of the long term consequences. This behavior is similar to that of children.
So how do we as men handle these situations when they come up? What’s the best way to maintain the relationship while still handling the situation like an adult? My advice is this:
When she leaves, let her go.
I absolutely will not support a tantrum from a woman in any way, shape, or form, because if I give in and chase the woman, she learns that she can get her way if she just throws a tantrum. And guess what that means? It means i’m gonna get more fucking tantrums from her! This is a mind-numbing scenario to me, and it’s even worse to think about the reality that millions of men live in this type of prison day in and day out, constantly worried that they’re going to make their woman mad and doing anything they can do to avoid that happening.
When a woman leaves me, I let her go, withdrawing all my attention. If i’m in a Uber and she says to pull it over, i’m staying in the car without saying a word. If she storms out of my place, I let her go and shut the door behind her without saying a word. Then I get myself a beer, relax, and wait. I already know what the outcome will be.
The fact is that laying in the bed she has just made for herself is going to be much more difficult on her than it’ll be on me. I’m a man, remember? Men aren’t nearly as emotional as women are. We can get over shit like this very fast with little practice. All we have to do is go through this once and see how well it works. After that, the fear is gone since we know it’ll all workout well, so we can just chill. Sweet!
So how will she feel when we don’t chase her? Well, when she gets left on the side of the road or outside my house and realizes that her ploy didn’t work, she’s gonna get fucking pissed make no mistake. She’ll get super angry, probably call me every name in the book, etc. She’ll think about it nonstop and have trouble getting over it. She’ll get home that night and she’ll continue to think about it uncontrollably.
Soon enough, she’ll realize that I don’t care that she’s mad, and she’ll know that i’m not going to get in touch with her, so she’ll be forced to come crawling back, and only then can we start to work on having a normal adult conversation about what has happened. During this conversation, watch out because she’ll be trying to reinforce what her idea is of what should’ve happened, not knowing that if the man did chase that it would be bad for the relationship, not good. She’ll say things like “Well you could’ve called me after it happened and you didn’t” and “You obviously don’t care about me cause you didn’t even come after me.” There’ll probably be like 62 of these, and when they come up, it’s your job to knock them down one by one using valid, rational thought, and by using the frame that you think what she did was childish and not a healthy way of communicating her needs.
This will work wonderfully, since she on some level knows that she’s being childish when she handles things in that way. She’ll also have learned that she can throw a tantrum to get her way, making her far less likely to do it in the future. Who knows, maybe you’ll be able to teach her that healthy communication is the best way to get what she wants.
The reality of any tantrum is that when you support her behavior, you run the risk of really looking bad in her eyes and losing her respect and attraction, not to mention risking many many future tantrums that will result when she knows a tantrum will get her her way. On the other hand, when you choose not to engage in her tantrums and simply let her leave, you demonstrate your ability to walk away from her causing her to feel like she has lost your attention and possibly lost you. So please! Understand that it’s best not to engage in her tantrum. Calmly (and assertively if necessary) allow her to leave, and have the courage to stand up for what you believe is solid, adult communication. If she has a valid point, agree with her and apologize as necessary, and if you believe she doesn’t, fight it and stand by your opinion until she convinces you otherwise. In the end, you’ll feel like a better man and she’ll love you for your strength and commitment to your mutual success in your relationship.
Best of luck!