It’s amazing what we can accomplish in just one night! Here’s the review from “Particle Man” Saturday night.
I had a one-on-one training with Jake last Saturday and don’t mind giving away the punchline up front: he took me from just about zero to my first same night lay ever.
By “just about zero” I mean that I have done some studying and other training in the past, but never stuck with it long enough to have any positive experiences. I also hadn’t done any approaches in almost two years, had gone on one date in that same time period, had no prospects and after a five year dry spell was seriously considering just giving up altogether. I tried working out my issues on the phone, but Jake said I really needed in person training. Even though I didn’t understand how it would help, I took it on faith, and I’m very glad did.
Here’s what worked…
Jake took the time to talk to and observe me to get a feel for where I am, who I am, what I’d like to accomplish and had the experience from coaching so many other guys to develop and implement a plan that fit my needs, abilities and temperament. He also covered the fundamentals like body language, positioning, voice tone, logistics, and had me practice my routine stack so he could correct my deliver. After experiencing it, I think this is something that can really only be done in person. He adjusted my posture and showed me how to stand, what to do with my hands and how to position my head in order to project confidence. Some if it’s going to take getting used to. For example, when he told me to hold up my head, I thought I was, but what he actually wanted me to do felt very strange, so without that feedback, I wouldn’t have gotten it right. I also have some subconscious behaviors like nodding my head while I’m talking that were glaringly obvious to him that I didn’t even know I did.
The feedback was very constructive. He told me when I did something right and when he had to correct me, I never felt like I was being criticized which kept my mood up when normally hearing about all the stuff I’m doing wrong could have been discouraging.
But probably the most important takeaway is the things that were previously outside my reality that are now part of it. I never understood how you could meet people at a bar you didn’t know, hang out with them like they were friends and end up having sex with one of the women that same night. I knew it happened, but never really believed it was for me – just something other people did. It’s definitely going to take work to replicate that on my own but having experienced it once, I actually believe it’s possible, which is huge. For the first time pick-up doesn’t seem like work. I actually have positive expectations for it – not to mention all the good feelings that come with having sex that I’d totally forgotten about.
Another very important thing I internalized from the training was that sex is normal. There was still a part of me that thought sex was something to hide, but at the end of the night six of us (three women we met at the bar, Jake, me and one of the bouncers) were hanging out at one of the girl’s apartment. Eventually everyone split off like it was the part of the party where we have sex, and no one seemed embarrassed by it. I’d hesitated to escalate because, again, it felt weird with other people around, but Jake motioned for me to put my arm around her anyway. After the others left we started making out almost right away and were having sex not long after, so he obviously called that right too.
We started the night with dinner and talked about where I am now, what I’d like to work on, and Jake started formulating a plan specifically tailored to my personality, temperament, strengths and weaknesses both for the night and going forward. Jake left the restaurant first, and by the time I got out he was talking to a hot 22 year old brunette. I sat in on the conversation for little while, Jake took her number and we left.
Jake drove us both to the bar in a really cool car which, after riding around in all night, makes getting back in my Honda very unsatisfying. That may seem off topic, but it will be relevant later (Jake’s car that is – not my Honda). Anyway, since we were early we sat out on the parking lot, and Jake laid out his plan for the evening. He was definitely going to have me open sets, but what he really wanted was for me to actually spend time with women, so 20 minute “go nowhere” sets would be preferable to burning the place down. After going over the game plan, we worked on fundamentals (body language, positioning, and getting logistics) and he had me practice my stack. We settled on the following:
Openers: “Trading Hair” and “Stunning”
Attraction: “Smart, Hot, Rich” and “Eight Girlfriends”
After coaching my delivery he decided it was time for us to head inside.
We were still a little early, and there weren’t a whole lot of people there, so we got drinks like normal people at a bar. While we were sipping them, Jake showed me where the best place to stand in the bar was and explained why – busyness, near the entrance, and somewhat centrally located so you don’t need to take a long walk to approach. He also had us square up so we could pay attention to who is coming in with just our eyes rather than turning our heads and being very obvious about it. Jake opened a mixed set that was standing by us, but let me talk to the girl after we found out she was originally from the same place I was and had even gone to the same university. Since I crossed two time zones for this training that was a little surprising. The conversation fizzled out, and Jake opened another set of two girls with a situational opener about being on their phones in a bar rather than paying attention to each other. Jake pulled me into the set, but it was mostly the three of them talking while I watched. Jake got one of their numbers, and they left to go to a different bar and invited us to join them. Jake left the possibility open as far as they’re concerned, but explained to me why following them would be a low value move.
At this point it was my turn to approach. The first set opened, and I made it through both of my attraction routines, but then I think I ejected. I wasn’t extremely nervous, but I was anxious enough that I have trouble recalling all the details of each set. Using typical 30/30 notation, I think the stats were: B=3, C<5 c=””>5=1; F=1. As you can see, I didn’t open many sets, but I got laid, so I’m fine with that.
Jake gave me subtle feedback during the set like tapping my arm when I was holding it the wrong way and more explicit feed back afterward. For one of the blowouts he pointed out that the woman’s boyfriend came back and said that observing things like that can give some insight into what went wrong.
We spent most of our time with the three girls that we hung out with after the bar closed (the F set). Jake explained that he was OK letting it go that long because it fit the plan, but also because the logistics were good. Two of them lived within walking distance, and the third had taken a cab to get there. It also helped that one of the girls was really into Jake and would be in favor of hanging out afterward too. At one point Jake suggested that he and I get more drinks, and while we doing that I squeezed in a few more approaches before we went back them.
My C>5 set happened during this time, and said I was talking to her long enough that I should have gotten a phone number before her friend dragged her away.
Eventually the bar closed and we all got kicked out. At this point, Jake explained how last minute logistics worked and made sure they turned out in our favor. The three girls had a conference, and even though the one had already made out with Jake shortly before the bar closed, it looked like they were going to walk home anyway. Jake convinced them that since his car was right here they might as well take a ride, and I suspect the fact that it really is a special car helped seal the deal. I think he also might have been instrumental in convincing the bouncer to join us later because that would even out the number boys and girls – one for each of us.
Jake’s girl sat up front with him and I got to sit in the middle of the back seat between the other two. On the way, Jake made sure I put my arms around. I guess I thought it would be cheesy from watching too many movies, but they both liked it.
After we got the apartment, we got out more drinks and started playing a very disorganized card game. Everyone seemed too ADD to focus on the game which was probably better in the long run because sex is more fun. I think Jake and his girl left first, probably to have sex in his car. The girl whose apartment we were at went into her bedroom with the bouncer, and that left me and my girl by ourselves on the couch. I already had my arm around her because of Jake’s prompting and once we were alone, we started making out and progressed very quickly to sex. There was practically no LMR at all. She was looking for somewhere we could have some privacy, but there weren’t many options. I found a blanket so at least we could be covered up a little, and that was enough for her.
At 5:45 am Jake knocks on the door, drives me back to my hotel so I can catch a few hours sleep before flying home, and takes the girls back to their place.