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Withholding Validation

Validation is recognition or affirmation that a person or their feelings or opinions are true or worthwhile. Confirming or validating someone’s worth or worthiness also involves recognizing, acknowledging, accepting or welcoming that person’s thoughts, feelings, opinions and ideas.

When it comes to women, validation is something we want to withhold.  

This is an extremely important concept.

Let’s say that a girl asks you “How do I look tonight?”  This is a great example of an opportunity to validate her or to withhold validation from her, so let’s examine the question and what it means.  When a girl asks you how she looks tonight, she’s likely looking for your opinion because she’s not sure.  This could possibly be a demonstration of her insecurity, or it’s also possible that if the girl is confident that she looks good, then her motivation is actually to validate the level of her dominance over men or over you.  This means she wants to feel like she could have you if she wanted to.

Whoa!  Holy smokes.  Did you just read that?

Women will seek validation from men simply to feel dominant over the men who validate them. 

So if you validate a woman then what emotion will validation elicit from her?

She’ll be bored.

That’s right, when a woman is validated she feels bored of the guy who validates her.   Then when she’s bored enough, she leaves.  After all, there was no challenge to her and therefore things weren’t interesting.

“But Jake, this seems like a shallow thing to say about women.”

Yes, it is.  News flash:  women are shallow.  Sorry to have to break that to you.

What we’re concerned with is attracting women and keeping them attracted for long periods of time.  

To do this, we must withhold validation from the women we meet, and in this manner women will be compelled to continue trying to win us over.

So let’s go back to our scenario where a girl asks us how she looks.  If a girl asks you this (or a similar question), she is seeking validation.  When you notice that a woman is seeking validation, the proper response is to withhold that validation from her.  In fact,

The best thing you can do is withhold as much validation from a woman as possible.  The only validation she should get from you is that you continue to spend time with her and have sex with her.  

In other words, when a girl you just met says “How do I look tonight?”  you should respond with something along the lines of “Uhhhh, are you sure you want me to answer that?”  Can you see how this is harsh enough that she knows it’s not true, and yet she still doesn’t get the satisfaction of hearing you say that she looks good?  Again, I understand that this can sound like an “asshole” thing to say to a woman, but I say it because I know that it is what’s necessary to keep the woman interested in me.  Withholding validation is what women respond best to, and I know that if I don’t withhold validation then she’s quickly going to tire of having me around.

Some other responses could be “Wait, do I have to be honest?”  or “Yeah, uhhhh… ewww.”  My favorite response here would be to withhold validation by just giving the girl a look that communicates that my answer isn’t going to be one she likes.

So summing everything up here, the only way that a girl gets to feel validated is when she has sex with you.  Other than that, you should be withholding all forms of verbal validation.  This goes for the time period from when you meet the girl until you’ve been dating probably about 6 months to a year.

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