Ever spent time with your friends at a bar and seen a random guy pass your group like six times, just looking around? Someone always says something like “Dude, that guy’s walked by like 100 times already, WTF?” When guys are unaware or just first learning to approach, it’s very common for them to unknowingly cut laps around bars, lowering the value others perceive them to have. Usually this is a result of some creative avoidance from fear or other inaccurate social programming and can be fixed with a simple solution I like to call “The One Lap Rule.”
The One Lap Rule is this: Take one lap around the bar you’re in, talking to people along the way. If you feel the need to take another lap around the bar and it hasn’t been at least a half hour, you didn’t talk to enough people the first time around and you could be lowering your value each time you cut another lap.
The concept here is pretty simple: Talk to most all of the people or women in an area you’re in, and you’ll create the most value and social proof that you can. You’ll also likely create those preciously desired jealously plotlines among the women you talk with. An hour or so later or so when you’re ready to do your re-opening, do the same thing again, this time including groups or people you’d like to reopen and any new girls in the area.
For those of you who are more visual like me, I wrote a couple of paper notes to better illustrate what i’m talking about. The first one here is what NOT to do:
Notice in this picture how the guy walks into the bar and talks with the first girl (an “O” pictured) and then skips over two women to talk with his second woman just beyond them. He continues skipping groups of people all the way around the bar. He might talk with all the girls in the bar, but his walking around the bar over and over doesn’t give the girls he’s not talking with much of an opportunity to “spy” on him while he’s talking with other girls. A guy who takes this pattern of movement around a bar should expect to effectively be starting from scratch each time he approaches. He’ll have a blank slate, no social proof, little to no pre-approach interest from girls.
Here’s a picture of the pattern of approaching I recommend:
Notice how this pattern differs from the first. In this picture, you’ve only made one lap around the bar, talking with most all of the women and (though not pictured) leaving out any women you’d rather not talk to. You might open three or four groups in a given area, and you will often reopen people. You won’t have to worry about guys in the groups as much either, because your social proof will scare them away. You talk loudly enough for other girls to hear you so that they’ll become interested, and generally you make yourself the center of attention in any area you’re in.
Another trick is to engage people while you’re not necessarily done talking with the people you’re currently talking with yet and then merge the two groups of people together or just transfer to the next while ditching the previous. Watch the competition begin. To do this I’ll sometimes talk about social value of people who stand out in the bar and mix it with an opinion opener (like the only time i’ll ever use an opinion opener btw).
“No way! Hey! (talking to another girl) Would you do that guy over there? This girl (point to girl you’re currently talking with) said she’d totally do him because of the suspenders, like he could use them to choke her while they were doing it.”
I like to say things like this even if it’s a boldface lie about the girl I’m talking to. It’s a great teasing opportunity, and now you’ve merged with some serious social proof because you’re already talking with a girl or girls when you open the next ones. Do this a few times a night or even just once and you’ll feel like the champion of the planet.
I know what you’re saying, “But Jake, what if I get a blowout? Won’t everyone see it?” The answer is no, if you handle it the right way. When you get a blowout, simply turn around 180 degrees, standing in the same place you are, scope for your next girl and approach immediately using the same opener you just used. It’ll look like you were just talking to some people, and now you’re not talking anymore. The only way people will know it was a blowout would be if they saw something in your body language or facial expression to communicate such. People are so concerned with themselves that they really don’t care about anyone else anyway. Next!
Another thing to remember here is that this concept shouldn’t scare you into not taking another lap around the bar. I DID NOT, and I repeat DID NOT, say not to take a second lap or even like 10 laps. I said that it’s possible that you’ll lower your social value by cutting too many laps in too short a time period. Definitely take another lap later on and reopen girls you’ve talked to already, and also open new girls who’ve come into the area. Don’t get creative and use this as yet another excuse to worry or to not approach!
That’s about it for this. Limiting your creative avoidance and approaching as much as you can in a given area is a simple, straight-forward way to increase your chances for success on any given night. Some of the stuff like merging and opening while still talking with one can seem a bit more advanced, but anytime you’re talking to a girl and the energy is high it’s a great opportunity to use your momentum and state to carry you into meeting more people and hopefully a very successful night.