Insecurity is basically the opposite of confidence. It’s having uncertainty or anxiety about yourself for whatever reason.
Now it’s important to understand that we’re all insecure in many different ways and it’s okay to be insecure and to be working on your insecurities by engaging in positive feedback loops like I talked about in the second tutorial “How to Meet Her.”
What’s not okay is when you demonstrate your insecurity by taking action.
Understand the difference? When you feel insecure that’s inside of you and no one can see that. However, when you let that insecurity out and say something to a woman that demonstrates your insecurity, that’s when problems arise.
For instance, let’s say that you’ve started seeing a girl and she tells you she wants to have a “girl’s night out” where her and her friends get together and go out drinking. Now it’s pretty normal for guys to be insecure about this type of a situation. After all, you know that she’s definitely going to be hit on by other guys when she’s out, and you don’t know what might happen as a result.
The problem happens when you verbalize your insecurity.
So let’s say that you feel insecure and you’re worried about your girlfriend having sex with another guy, so you decided to say something like “I don’t want you going out with your friends tonight.” Now that you’ve verbalized your insecurity you’re going to start having some serious issues as a result.
One issue you might have when you show insecurity to a woman is that now she might just take a dominant stance towards you, kind of like “Well I’m going and you’ll just have to deal with it.” Now you’re in a submissive position and you might feel like you have to take further action to reclaim your dominance. This could cause you to do something crass like perhaps dumping the girl or punishing her in some way, when in fact she has really done nothing wrong. She didn’t cheat on you, after all. All that happened is she wanted to go out with her friends, and now you’re both experiencing devastating consequences as a result of acting on your insecurities about her going out.
Obviously there can be plenty of other terrible consequences as a result of insecurity, and again it’s important to understand that insecurity is normal and that acting on insecurity is what’s going to cause you problems. So if you find yourself being insecure about things in your relationship, ask yourself if you’re just making things up that haven’t happened yet, and if you are, then remember that you shouldn’t punish a woman for something that hasn’t happened. Remember, she didn’t do anything wrong yet, you just feel like she could, and that’s your own issue.
If you’re a guy who is commonly and irrationally insecure, the solution for you to get secure is to grow your confidence through learning and practicing the material right here in this website. I, myself, was very insecure about women. I’d worry about myself, the woman, losing her, and on and on and on. I used to even focus heavily on thinking about how some other guy is probably fucking the girl who just broke up with me, and it would tear me apart.
Magically, as I started to get better and better with women, I started to realize that I was becoming so good with women that other men could never do as good of a job with women as I was doing.
Now I’m good enough with women that when one is a pain in the ass for me, I’ll dump her because I know that no guy in the dating pool is going to do as well with her as I did. I can literally send her out into the dating pool and get her back in a few weeks or a few months or a few years. How can I do this? I can do this because I know that having great dating skills is RARE and being an alpha male is RARE. As tough as we think it is as men to get women, I assure you that women have a much rougher time finding a great man. After all, women are all competing for the top 5% of men and literally everything below that requires women to compromise on what they want out of a mate.
So if you’re a guy and you’re learning that you’ve got some insecurities, it’s important to talk about them in your personal thread on the forum where I can chime in and help you reframe things with reality, because it’s easy for ANY guy to be insecure. Literally you can be an amazing guy and if your head isn’t right you’ll find some way to be insecure about another guy who you think is more amazing than you are.
The reality is that each and every guy has his own strengths and weaknesses, so please, do not express those insecurities to women because it will not help you, it will hurt you and it will hurt the woman as well.