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Creating Commonalities – Good Example

If you can relate with a girl on her topic because you do that topic, then that’s great!  Just tell her how much you love the same topic and you’re likely going to share in that commonality.  However, if you can’t relate to the topic at hand then it’s a better move for you to try and relate on the emotion the woman experiences because of that topic than to just say something that doesn’t relate well (like what you heard in the Tom Segura clip above).

Remember, we all spend our time on things because we believe that we will experience a certain emotion because of what we’re doing.  So if you can’t relate on the topic the woman talks about then it still might be possible to relate on the core emotion she experiences when she takes part in whatever activity she’s talking about.

Let’s do a quick example here to illustrate…

Let’s say you’re talking with a girl who is talking about something you would probably never do, like knitting perhaps.  It’s likely going to be tough to convince this girl that you’re also into knitting, and you certainly don’t want to lie about what you like and don’t like because it waters down your personality.  So in this case I would ask the girl how knitting makes her feel, then I would try to relate to that emotion she feels by telling her about an activity that I do that makes me feel the same emotion.

Make sense?

So if this girl feels nostalgic when she knits because she thinks about her grandmother and the time they spent together before her grandmother passed away, then I might relate and establish a commonality to the girl by talking about an activity that I do that makes me feel nostalgic and remember my time with my grandma.  In that way, we can both relate that we both do activities to remember the people close to us who have passed away.  Sorry for getting a bit grim here, I just wanted to show you that this kind of thing can get pretty deep at times, so try and be sensitive to what you might bring out of the people who you relate with.  You are learning how to relate in a very powerful and human way.

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