HEre’s an old post I wrote in July of 2008:
At some point in your progress through the game, you might find out that you can open, attract, kino, and get numbers well. Great. However, many people that are in this position will get those numbers but convert them into a very low percentage of dates. I, myself had the “lots of numbers in LA but tons of flakes” problem and at first I got frustrated. Very soon after I crushed the problem with a huge fucking hammer.
What I found out though is that attraction and kino is enough for the moment, but only THAT moment. The long-term result of attraction and kino that are done perfectly is that the girl will DEFINITELY remember you, but probably not feel CONNECTED with you. This is why she won’t answer your texts or call you back.
How do I get her connected, you ask? You can establish that connection in a few ways, but right here i’d like to talk about three of them with you.
- Establishing commonalities
- Conveying your identity with sincerity about what’s happening with the two of you
- Truthfulness with built-in rapport breaking
So here we go.
- Establishing commonalities. This one’s self explanatory, but the basic formula is to get the girl talking, then when she says she did X thing, you’re going to say anything and everything that you know about that thing. In my case, I wear two rings on my left hand. One’s from Bali, Indonesia and the other is from my trip to Ibiza, Spain. Anytime the girl talks about traveling (and they all do) then I tell them about my travels and how I wear my trips on my hand. Works wonderfully. A commonality can be as ingrained as that, or it could be something stupid like “Oh you drink Diet Coke? No shit so do i. OMG i’m so addicted to it and I found out through my addiction that everyone who drinks diet coke it addicted. Crazy huh?” Done. Do this well with just one thing that’s deeper like my traveling thing and you can get laid from it, or just do it with some smaller things like the diet coke thing. Calibrate this to the depth, intelligence level, and energy level of the girl and situation and you’re golden. Learn this calibration through trial and error.
- Conveying your identity. If you’ve attracted the girl and kino’d her, but she looks back on the interaction and doesn’t know “What you are” (and can’t tell her friends) then she won’t answer phone calls. What are you and why will she find out?
In my case, I look like a rocker so girls always ask if i’m in a band, or what I do. That’s the why of why she’ll find out. The “what I am” will come when she asks. When she does, I tell her the honest story about how and why I came to Hollywood (leaving out the dating thing of course). I tell her a quick synopsis of important older events of my life and how they lead me to my current situation. This story shouldn’t be super long.
Here’s the important part, and the super-successful way that it gets both of us on the same page. So at this point in the interaction, i’ve opened, she’s attracted, i’ve been kinoing, and i’ve established some commonalities.
I usually say something like “Oh, where i’m from X happens or X is how we do something.” This prompts her to ask about where i’m from and what brought me to Hollywood. Are you with me here?
When she asks, I start to act like i’m going to tell her, then I stop, change my tone to a more genuine/serious one, slow it down and “Are we…..? (quick pause) Do you really want to know?”
When I say “Are we….?” I kind of do a back and forth motion from me to her with my hand. I’m basically saying to her “Are we getting somewhere with this and is this a serious inquiry into my life from somebody who’s genuinely interested in me and a possible sexual/intimate relationship OR if it’s not then …….”
Note that this is a great place to isolate the girl! “It’s kinda loud here, let’s go over here for a second.”
Does this make sense? I’ll tell you that after the word OR in the previous sentance that I don’t know what happens there because I’ve never heard them say no. EVERYTIME they get more serious, I “closen” the kino (make it more intimate, like a bf and gf would do) and they get VERY serious about listening to me. This is a great time to get them to sit on your lap or escalate towards a makeout. It almost always happens after this. Are you with me here?
- Truthfullness with built-in rapport breaking. This is a simple concept that TONS of guys REALLY FUCKUP in pickup and when talking with women. Basically it’s this: Be honest. I’m not talking about spilling something you shouldn’t. I’m talking about being honest about your likes and dislikes.
I’ll give you an example: The girl says something like “I like the band Nickelback. They’re my favorite.” Let’s say for a second that you don’t like Nickelback (thereby making you awesome). A lot of guys who hate Nickelback in this situation wouldn’t say something like “Fuck that, I hate Nickelback. They can smoke my pole” because somehow they have something telling them in their head that if they don’t like what the girl likes then they won’t be qualified to be with this chick and/or she won’t like them if they say something negative about something the girl likes. Instead what comes out is “Hmmm, well they’re okay, but I really like X.” Guess what’s happened here? You’ve accepted her frame in an attempt to gain rapport with her.
This is a pretty subtle thing to pickup on and learn, but it’s something everyone learning pickup should understand eventually. I call it being honest with built-in rapport breaking because you’re not going to ever run into a girl who has everything in the world in common with you, so when you actually take the honest road on these types of things and tell the girl your honest opinion, you’re essentially breaking rapport with her and inviting her to now accept your frame of, in this case, how sucky Nickelback is. Make sense? You’re demonstrating that you don’t care about if she likes you or not (non-neediness), inviting her to try and chase you and accept your frame (dominance). Do this and observe how many times the girl will be the one who backpedals, saying something like “Well, you’re right, they’re not the best” or something like that. She does this because you’ve shown her that you’ll be honest even at the cost of her not liking you, and now that she can’t lump you in with all the guys who do this, she’s attracted and now doesn’t want to lose you!. Wow. What a great result! All you had to do was be honest about shit! I really hope this sinks in with anyone reading because I think it’s a fantastic thing to learn.