Today I woke up, got on the forum to answer some posts from students, and I came upon a common scenario I wanted to write a little bit about. A student wrote this:
“Went out to X street with my wings. Went direct on everyone. Most of the sets OPENED well initially, even the all girl sets, which is an improvement from the previous nights where only 30% opened well, while the remaining 70% would give me the cold shoulder or immediately tell me that they weren’t interested. However, after the opening, it felt like I just kept talking at them. Felt like a dancing monkey trying to keep them engaged. Didn’t feel much of a connection.”
My response was the following:
It looks to me like you’re having to do a lot of work to gain the ground because your efforts aren’t as directed as i’d like them to be. In other words, you seem to be splish-splashing around trying different stuff and end up still fishing around with different openers and not really knowing how to go from there or where it goes. Hopefully I can shed a bit of light on this for you right now, i’ll do my best here.
Do you remember our talk in the workshop about the 10-timer method? When we talk to 10 women we expect 2 blowouts, 4 attracted, and 4 not attracted or go-nowhere. This is a very specific statistical expectation for what we’re doing and in an ideal world your results would resemble this very closely. What we’re trying to do is be polarized. In other words, we’re like babe ruth in that we swing for the fences and either strike out or hit a home run. With this in mind, I would take your 30% opening well (from above) and 70% telling you immediately they’re not interested or giving you the cold shoulder, because that seems like the result we’re looking for.
I’m guessing that this is setting off hundreds of red flags in your mind right now so let me explain a bit more here. When we talk to girls, we want to engage in behaviors that get us results. Sometimes these behaviors even on the opener will make girls confused and get us seemingly bad reactions. I’ve had tons of experiences where I open and the girl is visibly mad at me and within 2 minutes she jumps on me, wraps her legs around me, and basically tries to attack me with a makeout. This is far in the future for you, but I want to point it out because the first 2-3 minutes of talking to that girl would look like a TERRIBLE result to you. My guess is that you probably wouldn’t walk away from (cause you’re doing awesome at being persistent!) but for right now you just haven’t spent enough time in this “land” to get through these objections using the right vibe with the girl.
Coming from a different angle on this whole thing, I think it’s very tempting to open direct because it gives you a “positive” result in that instant. The problem with this is that it’s not getting you laid, it’s making you temporarily feel good, and worse yet it’s misdirecting you from making solid forward progress. You simply shouldn’t still be working on opening at this point (over a year into learning pickup), and opening direct is just not getting you laid.
It’s almost like playing the lottery right now for you. If I told you that i’d give you $100 a day every day or i’d give you a $1 lottery ticket everyday and told you that you’d for sure win in 2 years, you’d be choosing the $100 because there’s no solid expectation of success in your mind that you’ll actually win the lottery. That $100 a day is great to keep your mind off the tough mental work it’ll take to convince yourself that you’re doing the right thing when you get 7/10 “poor” results. I’m arguing that those 7/10 that are bad to you probably contain 1-2 more good chances at sex in them than you can see right now and that those 4 out of 10 attracted sets will result in more sex than the 10 out of 10 you open with poor openers of whatever variety (i.e. direct, random, self-made, anything non-field-tested, anything modified from the exact version we’ve put in the Instant attraction manual available at bradp.com).
Does all this make sense? So back to the point here. What adjustments should we make? I think the first adjustment for you is to go back to fundamentals with your pickup. This means to use two default openers (HG and Quality control maybe, switch these up as you like but i’d keep doing HG as one of them if I were you) and follow your opener with 1-2 attraction routines. When this is done, then switch gears, tone it down, be a normal dude, and get logistics (what she’s up to, how she’s doing, etc). This’ll cure the dancing monkey thing you’ve been experiencing (which btw is a very normal part of going through learning, I don’t view it as a horrible thing as long as we get past it). Continue doing your social freedom exercises until your score is in line with the chart on the first page that says you’re a bit higher than the normal range and you feel comfortable with going out alone and can open everyday without being pushed. This may even be now or in the very near future, if so and you feel you can get into state on your own, then ditch’em.
The other adjustment I’d like you to make is to PM me your name and maybe a photo or FB link so I can remember what you look like. This’ll help me remember you better from the workshop (even though I’m 90% sure who you are already). Also, PM me when you post sets so I can read them over and give you the training you came here for! I think we can get you through this rougher time with some well-timed adjustments and a bit better understanding of the ideal results you should be looking for at this stage in the game.
And remember! … We want 4 out of 10 sets attracted, not 10. We want 2 telling us to fuck off or not talking to us at all, and we want 4 to not like us and not get attracted. Write me a report where you tell me 10 chicks opened well and i’ll go “ah, fuck!” in my mind. Write me one that says 4 liked you after HG and 6 hated you and i’ll be a very happy coach.