Lately i’ve been coming to the realization that many guys believe that when they approach a girl who is separated from them by some distance, they should appear “natural” when doing so. For some, this means maybe taking a cell phone out and meandering around before approaching, and for others it might mean taking kind of a banana-like route over to a girl they’re about to approach. Either way most students will do an “aha” moment type of thing or act like they just happened to notice the girl, then they open. In cases where you’ve got some “cover” or can do this covertly, I agree it’s not a bad move. However, if the only thing between you and the girl you’re about to approach is ten feet, I strongly DISAGREE with any type of meandering around or other bullshit to try and appear natural! I say if you’re not opening strong, you’re opening wrong. Let me tell you why I believe this and how you can remedy the problem…
First and foremost, when you approach a female there’s a high likelihood she’s going to get the idea that you might be hitting on her. If you’re good, she’ll feel like it happened naturally and she’ll feel like even though you approached you’re still in the process of evaluating her. Either way, the act of approaching does telegraph possible interest to the girl. I don’t think anyone disputes that.
So let’s assume you’re about to approach a girl and there’s about 10-25 feet between you and nothing else. There are no posts, people, walls, corners, barriers, just nothing. The way I see it there are two ways of approaching:
1. You walk a straight line to the girl and open
2. You try to make it look natural in some way and like it just happened
For option number one, the girl definitely knows you’re going to talk to her, and it will likely appear intentional. Your walkup will telegraph possible interest to the girl and from there you will engage in the conversation. For option number two, the girl might not know you’re going to talk to her, and it may appear like a coincidence. The act of opening might telegraph possible interest to the girl and from there you will engage in the conversation.
So which option is better? Does making the walkup look “natural” or “coincidental” by taking out a cell phone or walking an odd path towards a girl make your chances with her better or worse?
The answer is not one you might agree with, but one that’s so glaringly obvious to any professional instructor that it’s definitely worth listening to. Go with option 1 every time.
This isn’t an opinion of mine or a belief, it’s fact: When a guy is approaching a women and seeks in some way to make his approach appear natural or coincidental, it can only hurt his chances with that woman. Yes, it can go okay sometimes, but when it goes bad, you will kill your chances before you even utter one word. The reason is that it’s fucking CREEPY.
Think about option 2 from a girl’s perspective. You’re hanging out drinking a coffee or checking a text message and you glance to your surroundings and you notice a guy who notices you. You glance back at your phone and then out of your periphery you see the guy take some odd route towards you or take out his cell phone to make a call. Then he starts talking to you, uttering a story that tries to communicate that he just happened to notice you for whatever reason. Immediately you know what’s up, this guy has been wanting to talk with you this whole time and went to a huge amount of effort to guard his intention in talking to you. Gross! You feel creeped out and want it to all go away as immediately as possible. You want this so badly that instead of listening to him, all you can hear in your head is a voice screaming at you “GET THIS GUY TO GO AWAY!”
Now let’s talk about option 1. You’re hanging out drinking a coffee or checking a text message and you glance to your surroundings and you notice a guy who notices you. Before you can glance back at your phone, the guy is walks directly towards you talking and apparently he’s talking to you. WTF? Okay what does he want? Tension ensues. What is this guy’s intention?
If you’re a guy who’s reading this and it’s hitting home and you want to up your chances with a woman who’s 10 feet away, try this. If you’re standing with some buddies, point at the girl and say “Hey!” then start to open the girl a bit or just try to wave her over towards you. If you’re lucky she’ll come over, but most every time she’ll instead look confused or wave you over. Now you’re being literally invited to come over to the girl so you can freely close the gap and open. The opening will now feel all warm and fuzzy like you were hoping for originally, instead of feeling sketchy taking the leap of faith and leaving your buddies to walk 10 feet away and open.
Finally, if you’re a guy thinking about how you should be opening girls, instead of concerning yourself with making things look natural or coincidental, I’d recommend you start concerning yourself with growing some balls and approaching boldly to convey confidence. The bottom line is that coincidence doesn’t hold the weight with women that you think it does. Women would rather a guy just go for it in a bold way than dance around the fact that they’re hitting on them.